This is where the secrets lie
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omG I’M WATCHING A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT HOW DOLPHINS ARE SMARTER THAN HUMANS AND THAT THEY’RE ACTUALLY COMMUNICATING WITH US BUT WE’RE TOO STUPID TO KNOW AND THE OPENING IS A MUSICAL BY DOLPHINS SINGING SO LONG AND THANKS FOR ALL THE FISH WHAT THE FUCK???c ?? ????!??cc?
I’ve just been informed that this is actually Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
(via noarel)
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- (I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)
- Me: “So, where’s your mom at?”
- Boy: “She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”
- Me: “Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”
- Boy: “Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”
- (I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)
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STOP EVERYTHING YOU’RE DOING.
THIS IS A VIDEO OF JOSH KEATON (VOICE OF SPECTACULAR SPIDER-MAN) READING A SELECTION OF SPECTACULAR SPIDER-MEMES.
A WINNER IS YOU
“what? I’m out of work!”
(via 221t-tardis-st)
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Found this in a stall in the girls restroom at my school. Hell yes.(via noarel)
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Disney, please tell me this is some kind of cruel sick joke.
I’m just not comfortable eating apples with Snow White on the box. For all I know they could be poisoned.
(via nepeta-fucks-shit-up)
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One of the best animated villains in the entire fucking universe.
(via nepeta-fucks-shit-up)
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people rant about teenage characters being portrayed by grown up actors but i’d like to know how exactly did this happen that 65 years old alan rickman played 38 years old severus snape
(via nepeta-fucks-shit-up)
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So I was talking to this guy for a couple of minutes Friday night and ended up giving him my number. Then he woke me up at a little past 6am Saturday, calling me, and talking a few minutes (because I was real tired and I’m not sure what was discussed). He woke me up again today something like half an hour ago and says he wants to meet me - and then got me a bit scared about this all by revealing he’s got two sons. Welp. We’ll see. Might see him some day.
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My absolute favorite thing is finding a book I can’t put down
And reading it until really late at night
And only stopping when my eyes start to hurt and my vision gets blurry from either sleep or strain
And when I put it down I realize how tired I am and fall asleep instantly.
In the morning, I wake up, and the first thing I do is pick up the book
And I read until I’m hungry, or I need to pee.
I just love that.
I miss this.
(via nepeta-fucks-shit-up)
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do animals think in english or in the sounds they make
this is what yahoo paid $1.1 billion for
(via queenrandy)
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How to Scramble Eggs with Gordon Ramsay
1. he seems like a chill mofo to hang with
2. what the hell have i been eating my entire life
(via altimetres)
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the world is over. this is it.
holy mother of innuendos
what is goING ON. OMFG.
OH MY GOD
i have no words for this
GUYS
WHAT IF
(via hellisopentonight)
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No, you don’t understand.
This actually happens.
We got a 16 year old boy on our unit once, because Pediatrics was full, and it’s about 1 in the morning and all the nurses are at the nurses station having a break and we’re all talking and having a laugh and then all of a sudden this kids heart monitor just goes CRAZY.
So we call the code and I grab the crash cart and about 6 of us just take off running down the hall and we bust in the room and this kid is just sitting there with his hand around his junk looking MORTIFIED.
So we just sort of backed out of the room quietly, walked calmly to the stairwell, and had a total and complete hysterical breakdown.
It was the funniest shit ever.
Omigod so many nurses have told me stories like these.
(chuckle) ….Yep.
